day 152

firs off, i am skipping day 151. i have made five attempts at writing for that day. each one just would not work itself out. i couldn't bring myself to publish any of them. maybe i will go back and try again later, but for now my time is limited and i just wanted to get something out.

i hopefully will be able to expand on this later this evening when i have more time.

this is a peculiar day. that probably isn't the right word for it, but i don't know how else to describe it.

- woke up this morning to find an e-mail from an ex from dallas back in '05. but this wasn't just someone that i dated, it ended and things went on. it was different, she was very different, my feelings for her were different. there is a back story there, but again, i don't have the time right now.

- took bertie for walk before heading to work and i hear a car honk and stop. it was another friend who her and i also dated about 2 years back. she stopped and asked ifbertie and i would like some walking company. we would love some, so her and her new pup joined us for a romp on the eastern prom. it was a very pleasant start to the day.

- layoffs are happening all day at work. the mood in the office matches the drab weather outside. every so often someone will pass by the door and pop their head in to say "still here". then someone pops their head in to say who has left. it is just a sad day in the office

- i just bought my ticket for chicago. i am heading out there to get away for the memorial day weekend. i need a big city change of pace.

those are the basic bulletins of the day. hopefully i will be able to write more when i get home and explain the random e-mail from C (i don't want to use her name, so she will be called "C" and not in aderogatory sense. basically her name starts with a C).

day 150

i don't know which way, or where or why i am doing, going, etc.

day 149

pretty busy and productive day.

work was work. neither truly entertaining or horrific. i did start to get very restless towards the end of the shift. i wanted to test and be creative and make pretty food pictures. but shoes and gloves and scarves called for my attention instead. you know, the stuff that actually pays the bills.

after work i went to meet a gentleman that runs his own home business of selling cremation urns. he has been shooting his own product for website usage for the past 6 years. now he is looking to improve his product shots and is looking for some tips and consulting. so, i went over to see what he already had rigged up and how i could hopefully help him use his gear to improve his product.

basically, i am a consultant. he has offered to pay me, but i haven't the faintest idea of what to charge. i know it come down to what my time is worth, but i don't even know that. either way, he was pretty cool and i don't think he will be a very demanding client.

then the gym, then the grocery store, then home for some good rest and an early start to the next day.

day 148

knocked out a few more portraits last night.

had some homemade pizza.

had some wine.

in bed by 11:30.

day 147

so the day is not nearly over. i actually have 3 portraits scheduled for tonight, so i am a long ways from kicking my feet up.

but i found this picture and i wanted to post it u. it was taken back in '03...maybe?

thought it was fun.

day 146

more portraits were taken.

it is sunday morning, my back s actually feeling a bit decent from the pain killers and muscle relaxer. i am able to wake up early, feel refreshed, hop in the shower, take bertie out and book it to freeport and grab some astro-turf all before 8:30 am.

head to joe's at 9, thinking i was on time. turns out i was 30 minutes early. no biggy, just time to grab some more coffee. coffee in hand and heading back to joe's. we knock out a pleasant shot of a chad (i think that was his name) on a john.

one down and on to the next

make it to caiola's at 10:35 and meet leslie and kendall. knock back two bloodies, a bird's nest (two pieces of toast, each with an egg in the center of each, covered, no smothered in turkey gravy with fried sweet potatoes). get a little loopy from drinking and not much recent practice. we three head to the farm for leslie's portrait. red dress, basil boa, astro-turf and goats. what made the shot: basil boa and red dress, the essentials.

done by 12:30-ish and back to the casa for a sit and rest.

i make it to foreside tavern by 3 pm for another portrait. the devil peddles chocolate...and booze. have a fun shoot and a beer. which were both needed considering i was pissy from an argument with lady friend just before i left the house. as i write i still can't remember why the fuck we were arguing.

straight from foreside tavern to novare. big J is the next victim. probably the worst shot i have taken so far. and this is not any fault of J. i don't know what the fuck was happening with my camera. i increased my ISO and the power on the strobe and hand an on-camera flash and a 1 second exposure and it was still under exposed. i could not figure it out. so, all the shots had a bit of motion blur to them. which shot was the best? the one with the least blur. that completely pissed me off...so i had another beer.

done with the shots, i headed home. unloaded my gear, relaxed, watched some hulu, downloaded images. after i had worked a few of the images and had something to present, i split for 188 to share the most recent work with joe and have another drink.

shared with joe, he seemed happy with the product, which put me at ease about the fuck-up with J's shot. it also helped that i knocked back a pint glass of strong margarita. i CAN NOT STAND TEQUILA!!!!! but, it actually tasted GREAT last night.

had some fun conversation with jess and some strange woman who wanted a smoke and who i offered to entertain her date while she split for 7-11 and nicotine. turns out her date (who i did not know when i offered to entertain in her absence) and i are friends.

anyway, another glass of wine came, i ordered lady friend some food to go. i killed the wine, paid for the food then ventured to lady friend's new pad.

it is monday, 3:45 pm.




!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

day 145

i am falling apart. i am 30 years old and i am already having trouble walking with my back straight and my knees pop when i squat down. this is not good. not good at all. i am too young for this shit.

i feel worse, meaning i have more aches and pains, now than i did when i was smoking a pack a day and thought a cardio workout was just walking to the 7-11 for more smokes. my weight lifting consisted of 4 rounds of 16 oz. curls every night. yeah,i was groggy in the morning, but my body functioned. or maybe my body didn't function like it should have, but i never put myself in a position where i saw it couldn't function.

i like this healthy living thing. the no smoking, less alcohol, running, biking weight training bullshit, etc. but what good is all of the work for if you can only hobble around with your back at a 45° angle.

this just fucking blows. last night, i think i garnered a total of 1 hours of sleep. what felt like every minute, i had to adjust my position because i was in too much pain.


i think i will be 35 walking with a cane. ¡no chinga bueno compadrés! (i honestly don't know if there is an accent mark above the "e" in compadrés, but it felt more authentic to have one).

yeah for the doctor at 2:30 today. hopefully some muscle relaxers and bed rest are in order. even though i have a weekend full of helping the lady friend move on saturday, and portraits on sunday. oh, and at least one portrait today. yippee!!!!!